Values

Note: This blog is a working copy of an in-person presentation to my Bowdoin College class reunion, limited to 4 1/2 minutes. A worksheet appears at the bottom of this page.

I’m going to talk about Values, but given the time limit, plan to focus on a process through which you can take a deep dive into your own heart. Selecting and recognizing core personal values helps individuals - and groups - actively understand their deepest motivations, make decisions swiftly and confidently, and clarify direction. Walk our best path. Retain our humanity in a world of ascendant AI. This process can be useful at any point in life, but especially when in transition.

In my four remaining minutes, I’ll walk us through a simple process. I’ll tell you how useful it’s been to me and to the people I love; and how it aligns with a pursuit of The Common Good.

My first exposure with the process was as a member of a “discernment” group in our church, a small group to help someone considering a career change, a major life inflection point, to help choose, or ‘discern’, a new career path, plus networking, mentoring and otherwise facilitating launch. In preparation, the support team has to understand the candidate’s core values - before asking in-person questions, spitballing ideas or making recommendations. How do we drill down? It’s quite remarkable. Here it is:

The candidate, or You, Today, gets a list of 50 ‘values’, or things people value, from Accomplishment and Adventure to Variety and Work. From this list, select your top 15. This exercise demands focused contemplation, reflection. Decisions at the margins; it’s often what you’re forced to deselect: Conviction or Courage? Integrity or Justice? Leadership or Leisure? You have to think, and ponder, select and deselect. Like anything really good, it takes effort.

Once you’ve selected your top 15, knock off five to identify your top ten. Next peel away half of those to get your top five. This 3-step process reveals our deepest core values. Who we are. What motivates us most deeply. When we take time - to grind through - who we are.

In business we talk about Values, Vision and Mission: this is the values part. Inspired by this exercise, I tried it for our company. Leadership first, revealing characteristics within our existing culture and reflections of our leadership styles.

Decision-making became easier. We used to struggle with how to handle the day after Thanksgiving: half-staff it, or close? When we realized that “Family” appeared in all our top 5 values, the decision to close became easy.

We decided to get a pulse on the remaining staff and invited everyone: Optional, voluntary. Every single employee – 3 in leadership, 15 workers - participated. take 50 values down to 15, to 10, to 5.

We ended up weighting the values to recognize the breadth of ideas. We included everyone's Top 10, then double weighted the Top 5.. We also double weighted leadership’s in a nod to Price’s Law. What surprised us was the consensus around so many core values; we had created a culture already. Suddenly we had clarity on the component parts.

Equally remarkable, our self-awareness, and awareness of others’ values, improved communications, internal and external. Powerful stuff: Insight. Respect – important conditions for enduring conflict resolution. Many of us waste a lot of emotional energy trying to get other people to behave differently. Understand their values first, and you can meet them where they are, talk about what they value first.

Kay and I also share “Family” in our top five. So I took this to our kids. First round, I had to bribe our three children with a promise to make a donation to a charity of their choosing, if they did this. If they all participated, we’d make an additional donation to an organization they’d choose together. It took some goading, but once done, their responses blew me away. Lengthy essays, deep reflection, new understanding. Clarity. We had a family meeting last fall, and I asked them to invite their 2 spouses and a fiancée to do this. Personalities revealed! Robust discussions. More understanding, mutual respect. We have decided on annual, fun, family meetings.

Kay and I also differ on some. Adventure is one of mine; Security is one of hers. See any potential for conflict? Absolutely. But recognizing these differences helps us begin from a place of mutual understanding, a good place to sort things out. Improving communication and resolving conflict respectfully enhances the Common Good. (but I’m out of time to develop that)

So when you ask, what do you want in the next 3-5 years, are you moving toward valued goals? If you haven’t identified your values, how can you?

Here's a worksheet to try this yourself:

values worksheet.pdf

Download PDF • 312KB