Values

Note: This blog is a working copy of an in-person presentation to my Bowdoin College class reunion 5-minute "Speed talk". A worksheet appears at the bottom of this page.

I’m going to talk about Values, but given the time limit, will focus on a process and my personal experience through which we can all take a deep dive into our own hearts. Selecting and recognizing core personal values helps each of us, as well as the communities we're part of, actively understand our deepest motivations. We can clarify direction, and make decisions swiftly and confidently. Walk our best path. Retain and showcase our humanity in a world of ascendant AI. This process can be useful at any point in life, but especially when in transition.

In my four remaining minutes, I’ll walk us through a simple process. I’ll tell you how useful it’s been to me and to the people I love; and how it aligns with a pursuit of The Common Good.

My first exposure with the process was as a member of a “discernment” group in our church, a small group to help people considering a career change, facing a major life inflection point, to help choose, or discern, a new career path; this included networking, mentoring and otherwise fcilitating a launch redirect. In preparation of a group meeting, that is, before asking in-person questions, spitballing ideas or making recommendations, the support team has to understand the candidate’s core values. Where they're coming from, and how these values align - or don't - with where they're gong. How do we drill down? Here's the exercise.:

The candidate, or you, today, begins with a list of 50 values, or things people value: from Accomplishment and Adventure to Variety and Work. From this list, select your top 15. This exercise demands focused contemplation and personal reflection. The difficulty is not so much the selection but the deselction of choices: Conviction or Courage? Integrity or Justice? Leadership or Leisure? You have to ponder these choices carefully, to select and deselect. Like anything worthwhile, it takes focused effort.

Once you’ve selected your top 15, now knock off five to get to your top ten. Next peel away half of those, to find your top five. This 3-step process reveals our deepest core values. Who we are. What motivates us, what's most important to us? It takes time - to grind through - to reveal who we really are.

In business we talk about Values, Vision and Mission: this is the values part. Inspired by this exercise in our church, I brought it to our company, three of us in leadership first. This same exercise mirrored several components our existing culture as well as reflected our different leadership styles. It was remarkably revealing.

The result? Decision-making became easier. Here's an example: we used to struggle with how to handle the day after Thanksgiving, half-staff open, or close entirely? When we discovered that “Family” appeared in all our top 5 values lists, the decision to close became easy: Close for that day so everyone can enjoy the long weekend with family.

We decided to take the pulse on the remaining staff and invited all employes, optionally, not required. As it turnd out, every single employee – 3 in leadership, 15 workers - participated. Take 50 values down to 15, to 10, to 5.

We weighted the entire office's values to synthesize the breadth of ideas. What surprised us was the broad consensus around so many core values already evident within our culture. We had attracted like-minded talent already, but hadn't known how or why.

Equally remarkable, our self-awareness, and awareness of others’ values, improved communications, both internally and with clients. It's powerful stuff: We gained better insight, learned to respect people for where they're coming from, important conditions for conflict resolution that endures. Many of us waste a lot of emotional energy trying to get other people to behave differently. Understand their values first, and you can meet them where they are when you begin with what they value first.

But we weren't done. Because Kay and I both share “Family” in our top five, we took this to our kids. We had to bribe our three children with a promise to make a donation to a charity of their chooice if they did this exercise. If they all participated, we’d make an additional donation to an organization they’d choose together. It took some goading, but once completed, their responses blew us away. Lengthy essays, deep reflection, new understanding. Clarity! At a family meeting last fall, we asked them to invite their spouses and fiancée to do the same. Personalities revealed! That's why she's likes this! That's why he does that! We had robust discussions, more understanding, another level of mutual respect We have since decided on planning annual family meetings in spite of some unique geographical challenges. Those are speed bumps. Family first.

Kay and I differ on some. Adventure is one of mine; Security is one of hers. See any potential for conflict? Absolutely. "Kay let's jump off the Baily Island bridge!" "No, let's stay in the car and take in the view." Now recognizing these differences helps us begin from a place of mutual understanding, a better place to sort these things out. Improving communication and resolving conflict respectfully enhances the Common Good. (but I’m out of time to develop that)

So when you ask, what do you want in the next 3-5 years, are you moving toward valued goals? If you haven’t identified your values, how can you live in harmony with them?

Here's a worksheet to try this yourself:

values worksheet.pdf

Download PDF • 312KB

https://youtu.be/-GYf0Jfp2AM